1. Future Planning
What’s so great about the future? It always looks better than the present. That’s why your business needs a bunch more future, and alot lot less of the problems of the here and now. When you plan for the future nothing ever looks bad, including you.
2. Using the Social Medias
Social media is an amazing tool for shaping our business lives in ways that a decade ago were unimaginable. If I wanted to make sure a competitor knew I just had a successful meeting a decade ago, I had to either fax them or speak actual words to their faces. This is an amazing development, winners are getting on the boat.
4. Deflecting Criticism
Criticism feels horrible and it let’s your colleagues think you are a flawed business man. You will make mistakes and misteps in business, just make sure they “weren’t your fault” and you’ll be where you want to be.
5. Creating New, more Powerful Business Words
Creating words that mean more than one word is key in business today. The business world today is like a foreign country with it’s own language and customs. Speak the language well and they’ll not only think you live there, they’ll think you were born there.
6. Using Acronyms
Using unnecessary and superfluous acronyms is a sure fire way to ensure that you know what you’re talking about, and the rest of the room doesn’t. Don’t worry! No one will ever ask you what something means for fear of looking stupid.
7. Staying at work later than everyone
Even if you’re buying christmas presents for your family, or mining for extra dubloons on Gem Warz. Being in the office means you care more than everyone one else, and when it comes to that 2% cost of living raise, you’ll be first on the list if they decide to do it this year.
8. Getting your Job on™
Sure, it’s fine if you are “creating a document to track spending trends in Excel”. But consider how powerful that same statement becomes when you tell your bosses you’re “Getting your trend tracking on“?
9. Talking about “The Cloud”
Customers are in power these days, and they have been convinced that this magical cloud is going to solve all their problems. Whether it is or isn’t is of no concern to you. The fact the they believe it will is. And that’s why you better be talking about it all the time.
10. Using ‘Problems at Home’ as an Excuse for keeping the workplace in a constant state of fear
By telling our employees that we’re having vague “problems at home” as an excuse for “all the yelling” not only will you get the great results that come from berating our employees, but you’ll be able to gain empathy for why you’re “doing all the yelling”. Leaving you free to continue keeping the workplace in a state of fear and intense productivity.